Perspective By Laura

The cable is out and I started to get annoyed, then I realized how dumb that was to be upset that the cable wasn't working. It's cable. Big deal. I should know from experience that there are A LOT worse things in life than the lack of cable. What a diva attitude. So, I have to put things into perspective.

1. I've come close to death. If I can survive a stroke, blood loss, and near kidney failure, I can surely survive the cable being out. You don't have to have a near death experience to realize this.
2. If I can survive the death of my precious little son, Liam I can surely survive the cable being out.
3. I have a job where I witness the worst of human kind. I've heard about things happening to children that you can't even imagine. If I can do that work for ten years, I can survive the cable being out.
4. It's 104 degrees outside with no end to the heat wave in sight. I have a nice air conditioned home to stay cool in and many are not as fortunate. Many people can't afford to cool their homes. Many air conditioners are failing with this excessive heat. Mine is not. It's pretty crispy in my house. I think I can survive the lack of cable.
5. I've been married for nearly nine years. While my marriage is in no way perfect(because nobody's is), and we continually have to work at it, I'm blessed to have the relationship and husband I have. My husband is my rock. He gave me two beautiful children. My husband could have become a single dad last year when I had those "health issues". If we can survive that, we can surely survive the lack of cable.
6. I have health problems. I have good insurance that allows me to recieve excellent care for my health problems. The kidney medication I have been taking for the last year would cost me $1400 dollars a month if I didn't have insurance. I pay nothing. I'm fortunate to be covered by two insurance policies. What would happen to my kidney's if I wasn't able to take the medication that has changed my life? I wouldn't be able to afford cable if it weren't for my insurance. So, I think I can survive the cable being out.
7. I have two beautiful children. One lives with me, and one lives in Heaven. I am blessed beyond measure. I know extraordinary people that would be great parents that have not yet been given that gift. It doesn't seem fair. In my daily work I see people treat children like trash, yet people who would make amazng parents have to struggle. I think I can survive the lack of cable.

You see where I'm going with this. It just takes a little perspective to realize that "the cable being out" is not the end of the world. And whatever your "cable being out" moment is, I hope you stop and try to gain some perspective. Sometimes we get so spoiled and consumed with things that don't matter, that it's hard to keep perspective on what really does matter. Now, perhaps I should figure out what's wrong with the dumb cable since I'm out of things to say. Kidding!

P.S. I've fixed the cable situation so I'm off to watch Big Brother and The Bachelorette now that I have some perspective.

My Sweet Liam

My dearest Liam,

I'm positive I've figured out the reason why you were put in my life for a brief moment. Had it not been for you, I never would have made that OB appointment and discovered how "sick" I really was. The day you were born and ultimately died, I made a promise to you that I would get healthy. I would do whatever it took to overcome these health problems so I could be a good mom to Isaac. I didn't want your death to be in vain. I'm happy to report I've kept my promise. I'm healthier than Ive been in a long time. I have you to thank for that. I can't say it enough, if it weren't for you I wouldn't have the life I have now.

I've learned a lot from this experience. I learned to be grateful for the little things. I learned that good can come from something bad. I learned that life is precious and you have appreciate each moment. I've learned that attitude is everything. I've learned that kidneys are stupid but you still have to take care of them. I've learned that Lupus is serious but if your tough you can beat it.

This I know for sure, you were a tiny gift with a big purpose. You did well. I love you for that. I still think of you daily. Especially when I'm enjoying my time with Isaac. We will be together again one day my sweet Liam. Until then, know that I am grateful for what you did for our family.

All my love,

Mommy

Summer Fun

Since I've been feeling so good we are having one of the busiest summers I've experienced for as long as I can remember. I work all day, then come home and play hard with my favorite five year old. I don't know who is having more fun, him or me!

Our neighborhood has an annual 4th of July parade where the fire department comes out with a couple of trucks and we all decorate bikes, wagons, dogs, and strollers and take a walk behind the fire truck. Then the fire truck hooks up to the fire hydrant and sprays the kids. It's a great opportunity to get to know your neighbors. We even discovered that a girl from Isaac's class lives just around the corner. This year. I was either feeling really good or the heat got to me because I apparently agreed to take over the parade planning for next year. Yikes!

Ive also been feeling so good I did something I haven't done in a very long time! Wait for it...I went to the mall, on a Saturday, and spent a long time there!! Gasp! Isaac had fun since he was able to get a new friend from Build A Bear and he got to ride the carousel. And I was able to replenish my wardrobe since it had been so long since I've had the energy to shop.

My husband has started a Master's program this summer so we are frequently leaving him behind when we go on outings but he's been able to hang with us when he can.

We've been going to the pool so much this year, I'm pretty sure we should have just bought a membership somewhere. We go about three times a week, most of which are week days after I get off work. I remember the days when I would come home from work and spend the entire evening recovering because my work day had wiped me out. I remember feeling terrible about this as I didn't want Isaac's childhood memories to be of a mom that was "sick" all the time. I'm not worried about that now!!

The plan is to keep going ninety to nothing. Summer is short. We're going to live it up.

Lupus Can Suck It

Dear Lupus-Nephritis,

You can suck it. You tried to attack me, but you sure can't beat me. I'm tougher than you. You gave it a good fight as I was pretty sick for a lot of years. You even tried to sabotage my kidneys, but again, I'm way tougher than you and I fought back. You tried to make my life harder than it needed to be. Because of you, my baby was born too soon and is now waiting for me in Heaven. You'll be sad to know that he's going to have to wait a long time because I've got work to do here and you're not going to win. I'm not bitter though. What does not kill me makes me stronger. Try to attack me again, we'll see who's the toughest. I'm betting it's me. I feel better than I've felt in a long time and I'm finally living the life I was meant to live. Just ask my family, they can barely keep up with me these days. You will never win in a battle with me and neither will your best friends, Mr. Grief and Mr. Stroke. I told them who's boss too!

Nice try,
Laura

Freedom

As we celebrate the 4th of July and our Freedom, I must say I am grateful for a whole new freedom. While I'm still grateful to live in free country and even more grateful to all the military men and women who continue to devote their lives to protecting my freedom, I am also grateful for a new kind of freedom. As you all know, I've had health problems since I was six so considering my age, that's nearly all my life. I've struggled nearly my entire adult life with the symptoms of my chronic illness. Sometimes, even the smallest task such as squeezing the shampoo bottle or turning the ignition in my car was unbearable. I'm not really complaining about that though, I think it helped make me tough. Emotionally and physically. But, in the last year I have finally been accurately diagnosed therefore I am being treated accurately. I'm 34 years old and I finally feel good. To me, that's a whole new freedom. I've spent my summer swimming with my kid, playing outside with my kid, riding bikes with my family, and spending our weekends doing fun family outings. To me this is freedom. And because of it hopefully my son will have fabulous memories of his childhood instead of memories of his mom being sick all the time. Freedom.