What A Difference 11 Months Make

Today marks the eleven month anniversary of Liam's birth/death. We've been trying to climb out of the huge hole for almost a year now. I'd say we've made significant progress, but I'm sure there's more progress to be made.

I still think of Liam daily. Sometimes when I think of him my heart aches for him. I long for my baby, for Zumwalt party of four, for our dreams of a sibling for Isaac. Other times when I think of him I feel so blessed that he saved my life. It's bittersweet. Most days I can think of him without crying. We got his birth certificate and death certificate today. I felt relieved. It was documentation of his existence. He was real. He is my son. And there is an official record of him.

I had someone tell me "congratulations on your baby" today. I had to quickly inform her that my baby didn't make it. She of course felt worse I did. I actually like talking about Liam so it was an opportunity for me to tell her how he saved my life and without him I may have worse kidney damage. Liam is my hero.

I've made significant progress physically as well. The protein my kidney's are spilling is down from and all time high of 13 grams to 2 grams as of last week. My anti-DNA which is the test for active lupus is down to 2, which is great since the goal is less than four. My kidney function is back to normal range. My steroids have been reduced to 10 mg from 60 in the beginning so again, I'd say that's progress.

Finally, I think our biggest accomplishment in the last 11 months has been keeping most of the peace lillies alive that we received for Liam's funeral. There were some that had questionable fates, but we were able to pull them through. What a relief.

I'm sure we will have a lot of emotional moments in the next month. This time last year our nightmare was just starting. I didn't see it then, but I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We've almost reached the top of the hill. It was hard work, but necessary. We couldn't have made it this far without our faith, family, friends, and prayer.