Strokes Are Lame

One year ago today is the day my world came crashing down. Stroke day. When I woke up that morning a year ago I had no idea that such devastation was in my near future. You never think you are going to be a 32 year old stroke patient. When you think of strokes you think of old people. Strokes are lame. Today is lame. This whole experience is lame. You never think you're going to have to bury your child because of your stroke.

I'll admit, I'm having a really hard time. I'm really sad. Don't get me wrong, I'm still so grateful that I've come so far and have no lasting damage from the stroke, but I'm still sad. The worst of the worse started while I was still at work. The left side numbness was really getting bad. So bad that one of my workers asked if he needed to call 911 because I literally had to lift my left arm with my right hand to move it. I was in denial so I told him no and went on with my morning pretending like nothing was wrong. I had an appointment with the doctor that afternoon so I left my lunch on my desk fully intending to go to the doctor and come right back and eat lunch. Sadly, I never made it back. I had the worst "episode" at the doctor and they called 911. My whole left side was non-functioning and I couldn't even get up from the chair to move to the exam table. I was taken to the hospital via ambulance. I had never been more scared in my whole life. I wanted so desperately to wake up from the horrible nightmare I was experiencing. With that being said, as scared as I was, I'd bet money my husband was 10 times more scared. See, he was in the tech room during my MRI and saw my stroke on the monitor before anyone else did. He sees stuff like that all the time but this time the patient was his wife who was pregnant with his child. I can't even begin to imagine how that must have felt for him. I'm not sure he'll ever recover from that.

I know things will get easier with time, but today has been hard. I truly thought I was doing so well emotionally and I've been really surprised at how the one year anniversary of all of this is affecting me. It's caught me off guard. This upcoming week is bound to be an emotional roller coaster leading up to the one year anniversary of Liam's birth/death. I don't like to ask for help very often but I'd really appreciate prayers during this upcoming week. I think I'm going to need all I can get.