Zumwalt, Party of Three

As you all know, my family consists of the three of us...Zumwalt, party of three. We tried to make it Zumwalt party of four, but you all know how that turned out. If you haven't heard, refer to my blog post titled Let's try thig again: http://thelifeofazumwalt.blogspot.com/2010/10/lets-try-this-again.html. We still consider Liam as a huge part of our family, but let's face it, we never got the opportunity to be a family with him. Recently, I've really been thinking about Isaac and the impact all of this has had on him. In his five short years he has dealt with a mom who has battled a plethora of health issues including stroke, near kidney failure, RA, Lupus, and the birth and death of a sibling. He seems like a perfectly normal and well adjusted child considering all he's been through. But I can't help but feel sorry for him for missing out on the opportunity to be a big brother. Like most children with siblings I enjoyed having a sister 90% of the time as a kid. There were those times when my sister was tying me up, bossing me around, or telling me I was adopted that I wished I was an only child. But I truly enjoyed having a sibling growing up and now that I'm an adult I enjoy it 100% of the time. I want that so badly for Isaac. Isaac frequently asks why we only have one kid in our family and it's painful to answer. I so desperately wanted it to be different for him. I tried my hardest, but it didn't work almost at the cost of my life too.

These thoughts have been consuming me lately, so much so that the only thing I can do is pray and ask God what His plans are for my family. I know what doctor's are telling me about having another child, and several of them have made their opinion very clear. Maybe that's God giving me my answer. Maybe not. I've also noticed several families of three lately and can't help but wonder if that's my answer from God. Am I just being stubborn and not listening?

Nick and I have so much to give. Isaac deserves a sibling. I never pictured my life as being the parent of an only child. I know I should be grateful as I know many deserving people who are not as fortunate as I am to be the parent of at least one child, and I am. Being a parent is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I thank God every day for Isaac especially since we lost Liam as I realized how fortunate we were to have a healthy baby five years ago. I know I shouldn't have another child just so Isaac won't be an only child, but I can't stop the "only child" thoughts from consuming me lately. Maybe I need a new hobby to save me from my head. I guess I just need reassurance that Isaac will be ok, even if he's an only child.