Summer Fun

Since I've been feeling so good we are having one of the busiest summers I've experienced for as long as I can remember. I work all day, then come home and play hard with my favorite five year old. I don't know who is having more fun, him or me!

Our neighborhood has an annual 4th of July parade where the fire department comes out with a couple of trucks and we all decorate bikes, wagons, dogs, and strollers and take a walk behind the fire truck. Then the fire truck hooks up to the fire hydrant and sprays the kids. It's a great opportunity to get to know your neighbors. We even discovered that a girl from Isaac's class lives just around the corner. This year. I was either feeling really good or the heat got to me because I apparently agreed to take over the parade planning for next year. Yikes!

Ive also been feeling so good I did something I haven't done in a very long time! Wait for it...I went to the mall, on a Saturday, and spent a long time there!! Gasp! Isaac had fun since he was able to get a new friend from Build A Bear and he got to ride the carousel. And I was able to replenish my wardrobe since it had been so long since I've had the energy to shop.

My husband has started a Master's program this summer so we are frequently leaving him behind when we go on outings but he's been able to hang with us when he can.

We've been going to the pool so much this year, I'm pretty sure we should have just bought a membership somewhere. We go about three times a week, most of which are week days after I get off work. I remember the days when I would come home from work and spend the entire evening recovering because my work day had wiped me out. I remember feeling terrible about this as I didn't want Isaac's childhood memories to be of a mom that was "sick" all the time. I'm not worried about that now!!

The plan is to keep going ninety to nothing. Summer is short. We're going to live it up.

Lupus Can Suck It

Dear Lupus-Nephritis,

You can suck it. You tried to attack me, but you sure can't beat me. I'm tougher than you. You gave it a good fight as I was pretty sick for a lot of years. You even tried to sabotage my kidneys, but again, I'm way tougher than you and I fought back. You tried to make my life harder than it needed to be. Because of you, my baby was born too soon and is now waiting for me in Heaven. You'll be sad to know that he's going to have to wait a long time because I've got work to do here and you're not going to win. I'm not bitter though. What does not kill me makes me stronger. Try to attack me again, we'll see who's the toughest. I'm betting it's me. I feel better than I've felt in a long time and I'm finally living the life I was meant to live. Just ask my family, they can barely keep up with me these days. You will never win in a battle with me and neither will your best friends, Mr. Grief and Mr. Stroke. I told them who's boss too!

Nice try,
Laura

Freedom

As we celebrate the 4th of July and our Freedom, I must say I am grateful for a whole new freedom. While I'm still grateful to live in free country and even more grateful to all the military men and women who continue to devote their lives to protecting my freedom, I am also grateful for a new kind of freedom. As you all know, I've had health problems since I was six so considering my age, that's nearly all my life. I've struggled nearly my entire adult life with the symptoms of my chronic illness. Sometimes, even the smallest task such as squeezing the shampoo bottle or turning the ignition in my car was unbearable. I'm not really complaining about that though, I think it helped make me tough. Emotionally and physically. But, in the last year I have finally been accurately diagnosed therefore I am being treated accurately. I'm 34 years old and I finally feel good. To me, that's a whole new freedom. I've spent my summer swimming with my kid, playing outside with my kid, riding bikes with my family, and spending our weekends doing fun family outings. To me this is freedom. And because of it hopefully my son will have fabulous memories of his childhood instead of memories of his mom being sick all the time. Freedom.

Zumwalt, Party of Three

As you all know, my family consists of the three of us...Zumwalt, party of three. We tried to make it Zumwalt party of four, but you all know how that turned out. If you haven't heard, refer to my blog post titled Let's try thig again: http://thelifeofazumwalt.blogspot.com/2010/10/lets-try-this-again.html. We still consider Liam as a huge part of our family, but let's face it, we never got the opportunity to be a family with him. Recently, I've really been thinking about Isaac and the impact all of this has had on him. In his five short years he has dealt with a mom who has battled a plethora of health issues including stroke, near kidney failure, RA, Lupus, and the birth and death of a sibling. He seems like a perfectly normal and well adjusted child considering all he's been through. But I can't help but feel sorry for him for missing out on the opportunity to be a big brother. Like most children with siblings I enjoyed having a sister 90% of the time as a kid. There were those times when my sister was tying me up, bossing me around, or telling me I was adopted that I wished I was an only child. But I truly enjoyed having a sibling growing up and now that I'm an adult I enjoy it 100% of the time. I want that so badly for Isaac. Isaac frequently asks why we only have one kid in our family and it's painful to answer. I so desperately wanted it to be different for him. I tried my hardest, but it didn't work almost at the cost of my life too.

These thoughts have been consuming me lately, so much so that the only thing I can do is pray and ask God what His plans are for my family. I know what doctor's are telling me about having another child, and several of them have made their opinion very clear. Maybe that's God giving me my answer. Maybe not. I've also noticed several families of three lately and can't help but wonder if that's my answer from God. Am I just being stubborn and not listening?

Nick and I have so much to give. Isaac deserves a sibling. I never pictured my life as being the parent of an only child. I know I should be grateful as I know many deserving people who are not as fortunate as I am to be the parent of at least one child, and I am. Being a parent is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I thank God every day for Isaac especially since we lost Liam as I realized how fortunate we were to have a healthy baby five years ago. I know I shouldn't have another child just so Isaac won't be an only child, but I can't stop the "only child" thoughts from consuming me lately. Maybe I need a new hobby to save me from my head. I guess I just need reassurance that Isaac will be ok, even if he's an only child.

Lawn Wars

Summer, a time for fun in the sun, swimming, lemonade, and lawn wars. Yes, you heard me right, lawn wars. I just have to say that I love my husband dearly, he is the love of my life, my one and only. With that being said, he is the biggest freak when in comes to our yard. I think he may love our yard, particularly the "edge" as much as he loves us. He is extremely competitive with our yard and will plan his mowing very precisely so that it will make the neighbor's yards look unkept even if they have recently mowed. He's weird like that.

Here is the sad part, I'm 100% positive that the neighbors have no idea about these lawn wars my husband has been having with them for years. No clue. My husband may need professional help as this may be the start of a serious delusional disorder. No lie, my husband just came to me and asked "did you see that sneaky mid-week mow the neighbor did?" Seriously? You think the neighbor planned a sneaky mid-week mow to mess with you? No honey, only you would do something like that.

Don't get me wrong, our yard looks pretty nice. And he does do a fabulous job with his edge, but I'm pretty sure if he wasn't married to me he would marry his edge. This can't be normal for people to have battles with neighbors who have no clue they are involved in a secret war. I'm taking this opportunity to "out" my husband so at least it will be a fair fight from here on out.

The World Is A Rainbow

So we were watching America's Got Talent the other night and this woman came on and was singing. While she was good, she had a different kind of voice and looked different as well. Isaac quickly said she was lame (I have no idea where he learned that word, wink wink). My heart broke in that instant. I asked him what made her lame and he said her hair was weird and her voice was weird. I felt awful. What have I been teaching my child? One of the most important things I want him to learn from us is acceptance of others. With that comment, I felt like I had failed.

Isaac and I talked about how we need to be kind to other people even if they are different than us. We also talked about how all our differences make the world a better place and make each person unique. Then it hit me, Mrs. Snow taught my son this very lesson through song. I've included a video of Isaac singing this song. The premise is, the world is a rainbow made up of lots of different people. It takes all kinds of people to make the world go round. You should be you and I'll be me and that's the way we were meant to be. When we work together the world is beautiful. I love how Mrs. Snow keeps it simple. I wish we could all remember this simple lesson. The world is a rainbow made up of many different people, if we could just keep that in mind and remind our children of this, the world just might be a better place. Thanks Mrs. Snow.

Catching Up

Wow, it's been nearly a month since my last blog. I've been so busy enjoying the summer it hasn't even occurred to me to blog. It seems as though May has redeemed itself in my eyes. As you will recall, May has always been my favorite month, but May 2010 was pretty crappy as you all know. May 2011, although it had some major bumps, was for the most part infinitely better than last May. We celebrated Liam's birthday, Isaac finished his first year of public school, and Nick and I had a weekend away to celebrate my birthday. I'd say things are looking up.

After we celebrated Liam's birthday, it almost seemed like a ginormous weight was lifted from our household. Nick recognized he wasn't where he needed to be in his grief recovery and took action. I feel like my husband is coming back to me. I started to feel better emotionally too after Liam's birthday. I don't know why that one year mark was so significant, but now that we survived it I feel free. Don't get me wrong, we have a long way to go, but I can finally see some light at the end of the tunnel.

Our plan is to keep having an awesome summer. We are participating in the summer reading program, we've been swimming, playing outside, and enjoying lots of family bike rides. We learned that time goes by fast and one day very soon Isaac won't want to hang out with us as much. If we spend all this precious time being sad that we lost Liam, we will also regret the time we lost with our living son too.