Just call me Captain Roid Rage

If you are my Facebook friend, you have heard by now that I am currently on 60 mg of steroids in an effort to get my Lupus and ultimately my kidneys back under control. It has been about 4 weeks now and let me just tell you what 4 weeks of a high dose of steroids do to a person.

1) I have gained weight. I am one of those people who couldn't really afford to gain weight, but nevertheless, it has happened. All that weight loss I experienced after the stroke is ancient history. I'm not eating more. I'm trying to be really aware of what I put in my mouth. A lot of the weight gain is the result of swelling. I'm swollen from my toes to my hips. Hopefully the lasiks (sp) will help.

2) Acne. With all the health crap I've had to deal with since I was 6 the one thing I could be grateful for was good skin. I have never struggled with acne...until now. My face has exploded like a 13 year old going through puberty. It's gross. Between the hair loss from the lupus, weight gain, and now acne from the steroids, my self esteem is being severely impacted.

3)Sleep deprivation. Like clockwork, I wake up at 4 in the morning. Every. Morning. Awesome. This is even after I've struggled for quite some time to even fall asleep. I stare at the ceiling until I finally fall back asleep just in time for the alarm to go off. Again, awesome.

4) The anger. I am so irritable all the time. I can't control it. If you know me well you know that I'm a fairly nice person. I don't snap at people. I try to be polite and courteous to everyone. I'm always the nice one. Not so anymore. It's only Thursday and at work I have publicly snapped at several different people. This is TOTALLY out of character for me. Last week I got so mad at Taylor Swift for having the nerve to play on my ipod while I was at work. Like she had done it to irritate me on purpose. I was pretty sure ALL traffic yesterday was conspiring against me to get in my way and prevent me from getting to my destination. If you have been the victim of my rage, I sincerely apologize. I don't want to be mean. I'm trying really hard not to. I can't control it. It happens before I'm even aware then I feel guilty.

The good news is the roids seem to be working. I went to the kidney doctor today and although he didn't decrease my dose, we did see improvement in my lab work which is a step in the right direction and a step closer to reducing the dose. At this point he plans on keeping me at the current dose for 4 more weeks and we will see where we are at in a month. Keep your fingers crossed and in the meantime, don't hang out with me. I'm not fun. It's safer for all of us this way. Trust me. Oh, and pray for my family, they don't have a choice but to hang out with me. And if you are brave enough to hang out with me, I apologize in advance and consider yourself warned.