Two Years

We've been on this journey now for two years today. This journey has been one of the most difficult challenges of our lives. It's still a daily challenge. It's been two years since we held our precious Liam in our arms and said good-bye. Undoubtedly, that was the most devastating good-bye we've ever experienced. On May 12, 2010 our hearts were broken. Although we've spent the last two years healing, there will always be a part of our hearts that is missing. We will never completely heal. Not because we don't want to, but because it's impossible to ever completely heal from the loss of your child, our flesh and blood. Liam is a symbol of the love Nick and I share. While he's gone from our lives in a physical sense, he will forever be a part of our hearts and our family.

I miss Liam. I miss him more than I can ever describe. I miss him so much it hurts. I long for him. The longing never subsides. I often wonder what he would have been like. Would he sleep through the night as early as Isaac did? Would he be as smart as Isaac? Would he be our trouble maker? Here is what I do know about Liam. He was feisty. He constantly moved in my belly. Constantly. I remember scolding him while he was in my belly telling him to calm down. I also know that during the 144 perfect minutes we did have with Liam, his heart heart tones improved when we held him and talked to him. He knew his family was there and it brought him comfort as he was dying. I know that Liam is a hero. He's a hero because he saved my life. If it weren't for him and that first OB appointment, who knows how long it would have been before we realized how poor my health truly was. This makes him the best little brother that Isaac could have ever had. I know that Liam was perfect in every way, because he was ours. I know that if he could talk to us today, he'd tell us to not be sad.

This weekend is my third Mother's Day being Liam's mom, but it's only my second that he's not with me physically. Our first Mother's Day together was spent in the hospital praying that Liam would live. Praying that I would be able to maintain the pregnancy and he would come home. Little did I know, that a few days later, Jesus would come for him and he would truly be home. This past week I finally read the book, "Heaven is for Real".  What a poinient week for me to read this book. If you haven't read it, it's about a nearly four year old son of a pastor who became gravely ill. After he recovered he revealed to his parents that he had been to Heaven and was greeted by Jesus. This little boy told stories he could have only known if he did in fact visit Heaven. He reported meeting his sister who he had no knowledge of prior to his illness. He also reported meeting his great grandfather who again, he had no knowledge of prior to his illness. When I read his story, I can't help but think that Liam's experience must have been very similar. I've always known that Liam and I would be together again one day as that's God's promise to me. After reading this book I can say with certainty that Liam is waiting for us and when we meet again it will be as if no time has passed at all.

So as we mark this second anniversary of Liam, it brings me great comfort to know that I will see him again. He's safe. He's waiting for us. And once we are together, we will never have to be apart for all eternity. Happy Birthday, Liam. We love you more than words can say and we miss you every single day.