Waiting For Our Goo

I haven't blogged in a couple of months. It's not because I haven't had anything to say, it's because I've been scared to say it. I've been scared to say I'm excited. I've been scared to say I feel good. I've been scared to say things are going well. I've been scared to say all these things because I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm scared things will end up the way they did last time and Levi will end up living with Liam instead of us. I'm scared that if I'm happy about this baby, it'll mean I don't think Liam is as significant. I see at least one of my doctor's every two weeks and each time I go, I'm anticipating the bad news. And with each visit, the bad news doesn't come. I've made it to 22 weeks and 4 days with NO complications. My body is doing exactly what it's supposed to do.

When I was pregnant with Liam, I was in the hospital by now. I had suffered a stroke, my blood pressure was crap, I started to contract and dilate, my sac was bulging, and my kidney's were spilling 13 grahams of protein. This time, my blood pressure is awesome, my creatinine is better than my OB's, I'm spilling less than half a graham of protein (which means my lupus is under control), and this Goo is measuring 10 days ahead of schedule. What a difference the right treatment makes.With each week my hope starts to become greater than my anxiety. My faith becomes stronger than my fear.

I took a big step today. I shopped for the Goo. I bought his bedding, washed it, and made his bed. My mom bought him some clothes and diapers, Nick has painted the Goo's room, and we are actually starting to act like we are going to come out of this with a living baby. We are planning for Levi Benjamin like he is actually going to live with us instead of Liam.

I want to thank everyone for their love, prayers, and support. It means everything to us that we have such and amazing army cheering us on. I'm going to be pregnant all summer long in this Oklahoma heat and I can't think of any other way I'd rather spend my summer. Waiting for our Goo...

Protecting My Fruit

“Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward.” Psalm 127:3


I’ve decided to stop being a crybaby about cancelling our Hawaii trip. I have already been given a tremendous gift. One that I prayed for and dreamed about for many months. God is using my body to create human life. I need to take care of the gift I’ve been given. If that means waiting to go to Hawaii, so be it. Some people never have an opportunity to go to Hawaii and others never have an opportunity to have a baby. Am I disappointed? Of course, I am I’m human. When I look at the big picture, I would much rather have a baby (a healthy one) than go to Hawaii and risk it all.

Sometimes I forget that I’m not normal. I forget that being pregnant is a risk for me. A big risk. I have come so far and felt amazing for so long, that it’s hard to slow down and remember to take care of my body. This is a good reminder. Mother’s make all kinds of sacrifices. I have sacrificed Dr. Pepper and Hawaii and I’m sure there will be countless other sacrifices along the way. Would I have it any other way? No.

I can’t even describe how amazing it was yesterday to see our little baby during the ultrasound. Ah-ma-zing. We are so blessed. Seeing the baby’s heart beat was the best part of my day. Our baby is strong and healthy I couldn’t ask for anything more. Not even a trip to Hawaii.

P.S. Every once in a while my husband does something extremely brilliant. When he booked our tickets to Hawaii he bought insurance for the first time ever. So, we get our money back. That makes it a lot less painful. I just hope the Mallory’s will plan a future trip with us to celebrate our eleventh anniversaries.

One Down...A Million To Go

So, we had our first OB appointment today for our new little Goo. They confirmed that I'm pregnant. Whew. The appointment was rather uneventful, which in my case is good I guess. My goal is to keep these visits uneventful straight through October.

It was kind of a bummer because all patients have to see the physician's assistant for their first OB appointment and since we are so connected to Dr. Lofgren it was pretty weird to see someone else. Many times I caught myself wanting to say, "It's cool, yo. Just talk to Darla, she's got all the info." But I was polite and relived my OB history. We did get to see Dr. Lofgren as we were leaving so that was a relief. It was also a relief that she didn't serve me with a restraining order.We go back in two weeks for another visit (with Dr. Lofgren this time) and an ultrasound. I can't wait to see the little heart beat of our precious Goo.

I have to admit, I'm scared. I'm scared of losing this baby. I'm scared of being hurt again. I'm scared that my baby won't be healthy because of me. I'm scared that I'm doing something irreversible to my body. I have to have faith though. I prayed for this. A lot. I believe this is my answered prayer and God will be with me and protect me. Right now, my faith is stronger than my fear. My goal is to keep it that way.

More updates to come...

Big News

So I guess the cat is out of the bag. Nick and I are expecting a happy, healthy baby (and mommy) in October.The easy part is over, I got pregnant. Now let the excitement and waiting begin. We've been on quite the journey the last three years. If you read my blog, you know that we have been planning for this for months now.If you don't read my blog, you're probably not reading this right now anyway.  It has taken an amazing team of doctors and a lot of prayer to get us to this point and now there's no going back. I'm shocked at how easy it was.

I know we have a long road ahead of us, but for some reason I have an overwhelming sense of peace about this and know it's going to work out. I believe this is our answered prayer. I have faith that I will be OK and that we will get the result we've been hoping for ever since we had Liam.

I've been thinking about Liam a lot this week. I remember so vividly being excited when we found out I was pregnant with him. I remember all the love and support we received when we had such a devastating outcome with Liam. I have seriously been moved to tears today to see all the excitement from all those people who are still in our corner and rooting for us three years later.There are no words to express how much I appreciate all the love and support from everyone who has been cheering us on the last few years.

We would appreciate your continued prayers. Without them I truly believe we wouldn't be where we are today.

Merry Christmas

 Christmas has come and gone once again. We hope you had a very Merry Christmas and were able to spend some quality time with the people you love. We had a wonderful and blessed Christmas this year.

 We have some family traditions that we do every year and this year was no different. We went to the parade in downtown Tulsa with my sister and her kids as well as Nick's parents, siblings, and grandma. We also made our famous Christmas cookies. This year it seemed more of a solo project on my part as Isaac and Nick didn't help very much with the cookies. They haven't been helping eat them either. Yikes.

 Thanks to our good friends the Mallory's, we ventured downtown to participate in Winterfest where Isaac and Nick tested out their ice skating skills. Isaac wasn't too impressed with the whole ice skating thing, but we had fun with our friends and everyone burned their tongues on the thermonuclear hot chocolate. Do we know how to make memories or what?

 We spent Christmas Eve at my mom's house. During the day we had a fun snack adventure when we tried several different recipes that we found on Pinterest. Nick and I took all the kids to church for Christmas Eve service while my mom and sister made a yummy dinner. It was a fun day with lots of family.

Christmas morning was spent with just the three of us at home opening presents.( Excuse my mess of laundry in the background.) Santa did not disappoint as he brought Isaac the Nintendo 3DS he requested.   

Later in the day we went to Nick's parent's house for gifts and yummy Italian food. Isaac got the Santa suit he requested thanks to his Aunt Apo and Uncle Anky. I'm pretty sure that was his favorite gift.

This is how we all felt at the end of the day. We had several days of lots of good food, gifts, and tons of much needed family time. Now I'm ready for my much needed time off to recover from it all.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Zumwalt's!!! 

 

 

 

 

 

A Whole Decade Of Team Zumwalt

Ten years ago yesterday Nick and I took that giant leap into marriage and never looked back. I look at pictures of that day and I feel like it was just yesterday. We were so young. So eager to start our lives together. We had no idea what life had in store for us, but we were ready to find out.

Ten years later I can say that I am very proud of my marriage. Though it hasn't been easy, and life has thrown us some curve balls, I can't imagine going through this life with anyone else. We vowed to love one another in good times and in bad, sickness and in health. We've certainly had our share of all of those. Through it all we always rally together and come out closer and stronger than ever.

I love my husband for so many reasons I can't even begin to list them all. I love how he always tries to make me laugh when I'm mad at him, like the time I was furious and he came in the room dressed in my capri pants. I love how he got up with Isaac every night when he was a baby so that I could sleep. I love how he gets me ice water at night and puts gas in my car. I love how he tries to spoil me with nice gifts, and doesn't get mad me when I take them back to the store because I'm more practical than he is. I love how I get alarmed when he calls me by my real name because I'm so used to him calling me Missus. I love how he works hard for our family. I love how he secretly pays attention to my cheesy reality TV shows and actually knows the characters and the story line. I love how he loves me unconditionally. No matter how many strokes I have or how high my steroid dose gets, I know he will still love me.  I am so proud that he is my husband, my partner, my teammate.

I can't wait to see what the next ten years has in store for us. Happy Anniversary, Meester. I love you and our life together more than you will ever know.

Tis The Season

Yes, it is the season where it seems like the spending will never end. I'm sure it stresses everyone out regardless of your income. We live a very blessed life so I try very hard to make this a season about giving and not receiving. Don't get me wrong, we aren't rich by any means, but we have everything we could possibly need and then some so we need to share that, especially this time of year.

Isaac has wonderful grandparents on both sides that indulge him plenty this time of year so he won't be lacking in the gifts department. But others will. Other kids that may even go to Isaac's school or live in our neighborhood. The past few years, Isaac is of an age where he needs to know that not all little kids get to sit down with the Toys-R-Us book and circle what they want and actually get it all. It is my mission as his mother to teach him to have a giving heart. Last year we had him pick out toys to donate to Toys For Tots. I remember him telling the cashier that we were buying toys for the "unfortunate" children. I think he heard me say "less fortunate", but the cashier understood and so did Isaac. He loves to put money in the Salvation Army kettle. He knows it helps people who don't have a lot of money. Isaac and I were cleaning out his room (in preparation for the ridiculous amounts of presents he will get at Christmas) and we found toys from his birthday that were still in the package. Isaac and I talked about what we should do with the toys and he willingly agreed we should give them to Toys For Tots again. Proud Momma Moment.

This year, Isaac's class adopted a family off an Angel Tree. After I volunteered to fulfill the wish list of the oldest child in the family I admit, I immediately got stressed out about the extra expense because as I said earlier, it seems like the spending is never ending this time of year. I started getting resentful of the other mom's in Isaac's class that weren't volunteering to donate anything to this family. It took a lot of self talk to realize that I shouldn't judge those other mom's. I don't know their life. Maybe some of them are actually Angel Tree families as well. What a joy it was to fulfill a wish list for an eleven year old One Direction fan. And the total cost ended up being about the same amount of money we might waste eating out on a Friday night. What a good lesson for Isaac, to know that the things we bought may be the only Christmas gifts this girl gets this year and all we had to do was eat at home on a Friday night. I hope that sinks in with Isaac and he is grateful for the life he has.

Tis the season, folks. I challenge each of you to do something nice for someone else, particularly someone less fortunate that you. I realize budgets are tight especially this time of year. Mine is too. You don't have to spend money to fulfill this challenge. Donate your time and energy. That can be just as valuable as monetary donations. Trust me, you'll be glad you did.