Tomorrow our precious little Levi will be six weeks old. I can't believe how fast it's going by. Every time I decide to blog about our new adventure, there just don't seem to be words adequate enough to describe our new life. I prayed for this baby, and God answered my prayers.
I am an eternally grateful for our new baby. Every time I look at him I am completely in awe that this whole thing worked out and that my prayers were answered. After my stroke and Liam's death, everyone told me that I shouldn't have any more kids. It was too risky. If I had another stroke, I may not be as lucky. Shortly after that I had a visit with my new rheumatologist. I was heartbroken after my stroke and Liam's death. During that visit he said to me "don't let anyone tell you that you can't have a baby just because you have Lupus." Those few words gave me hope and determination. Those words stuck in my head and I didn't give up on my dream of having another baby. Last week I took my healthy, living baby to my rheumatologist appointment and thanked him for giving me hope that day. It felt like I had come full circle from our darkest moments.
Life with Levi has been easy. I don't know if it's because he's a subsequent child and I know what to expect this time, or if I'm just so grateful that he is alive and healthy. Either way I just feel so overwhelmed with love for him. I don't mind when he cries, when I have to get up in the middle of the night to feed him, changing his breast milk poopy diapers, getting peed on, carrying him and his car seat all over the place, etc. I'm just so happy to be able to do those things because I didn't get to do them with Liam.
Levi isn't a replacement for Liam although he makes us think if Liam a lot. I love that in the last six weeks I have used the phrases "my oldest son" "my middle son" and "my youngest son." My hope is that Levi knows and understands that he has two older brothers. And I hope that he understands that one day, he will get to meet Liam.
Finally, if you didn't believe in the power of prayer before, just look at Levi. He'll surely make you a believer.
