The Gift of Motherhood

I normally don't blog two days in a row but I was overwhelmed yesterday by a realization I had. I'll start by saying after nine months we were finally ready to pick out a grave marker for our precious Liam. It took a lot of therapy, blogging, prayer and movement towards healing to get us to that point. It felt good to get that accomplished. We want people to know someone special is buried there and is "living it up" in Heaven.

Liam is buried at Floral Haven in a special section called The Garden of Angels. It is a specially designated area for babies and children. After we finished picking out Liam's marker, we went to visit his grave. There are literally hundreds of babies and children buried there. When we first got there, the rows and rows of graves signified such sadness and grief. I kept thinking of all the families that also know my pain. It's a "club" I never wanted to be a member of. I was thinking of all the sorrow, all the lost hopes and dreams for the future. All the families that wanted the same thing I wanted and didn't get it. I felt guilty for being comforted by the fact that I was not alone in my grief. All those other families had been there too.

Just when I was about to wallow in my self pity, I looked up and saw my full of life four year old. He was walking around the garden without a care in the world. He had no idea that the graves symbolized such sorrow and loss. It was like a Mack truck hitting me and I realized how lucky I am to have him, how lucky I am to be his mom. How many of the families with children buried in the garden aren't as lucky as I am? This beautiful human being has given me the gift of motherhood. I made this amazing child and I get to be a mother because of him. Forever. What a precious gift. How many of those families aren't as lucky as me? I have a living son who is smart, funny, charming, amazing, kind, loving, nurturing, innocent, and wise. I can't imagine my life without this precious gift. How lucky am I? Sure, I don't get to "parent" Liam, but I'm still his mother. His death doesn't take that away from me. I'm the mother of Isaac and Liam. I can't think of a better gift in the entire world.