"Proud Parenting Moments"

Ah, proud parenting moments. I've had a lot. And by proud parenting moments, I really mean dumb things I've done as a mom. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. We all make mistakes. I've made many and I'm sure I will make many more. I'd like to confess a few of my "proud parenting moments" so you can feel better about yourself as a parent. You're welcome. I'll begin with the time I lost Isaac at the mall. He was 18 months old. I was shopping for jeans and he was in the stroller right in front of me. My mom and I realized he was being awfully quiet so we checked the stroller. He was gone. G.O.N.E. I panicked and froze. My mom of course started searching for him. He was probably only missing for less than a minute but it was the longest minute of my life. From then on I realized why they put seatbelts in strollers. Another proud parenting moment(s) is when I've been too tired to feed my kid a normal breakfast so I've allowed him to eat cheez-its, cookies, and other crackers for breakfast. I know, mother of the year over here, right? I don't do that very often but sometimes its fun and easy to eat crap for breakfast. The final proud parenting moment I'll share is the time Nick and I let Isaac play in the backyard for the first time unsupervised. This turned out to be a problem for the poor dog. Isaac found the tree loppers and decided to test them out on the dogs tail. Clearly, four year olds still need to be supervised even in the back yard. The dog recovered nicely and appreciated the apology gift Isaac got for him. I've had more but I think I should stop there. When you do what I do for a living you have the opportunity to see a lot of parents. I'm just grateful that none of my "proud parenting moments" have resulted in someone like me intervening in our lives. I'm pretty sure that even though I'm not a perfect parent, my son will turn out alright.

My Little Savant

I know every parent thinks their child is smart, beautiful, and pretty much perfect. I am no different. I'm pretty sure my four year old is a savant and will one day in the very near future be much smarter than me. I mean, this is the kid who knew all his letters, upper and lower case, before his second birthday. His vocabulary for a four year old amazes me every day.

The other day he coughed and said "I'm OK, but I think it's my tonsils. I need to have them taken out. That means surgery." What's worse is he said it in a somewhat condescending tone, like I was an idiot or something. He frequently diagnoses himself with one ailment or another. Like the time he had leg-itchy-itis. His itchy-itis can transfer to other parts of his body as well. Another rather famous quote of this week happened last night when he said to Nick "you startled me." What four year old uses the word startled? He also says he's frightened a lot too.

I might also add that he knows all the colors of a rainbow including indigo. I don't even know the official colors of a rainbow. Perhaps I should, or at one time I did know, but seriously? Indigo? I'm pretty sure Nick and I have our work cut out for us in the next few years as Isaac's intelligence grows. If we don't keep him challenged, I can see that little booger getting in A LOT of trouble. I better start studying now so I can help him with his homework in the future. Yikes!

Do you think my son needs therapy?

So, I'm pretty sure my son's early exposure to death has caught up with us. His first experiences with death were when both sets of grandparents had dogs die. Isaac asked a lot of questions but didn't really seem too upset. We would answer the questions the best we could and move on. His next experience of course was his brother. He still asks a lot of questions and for the most part I think he "gets" it the best any four year old can "get" death. He has times where he will cry and say he misses Liam but I know he just misses the idea of Liam. I'll never forget when we got out of the car at Liam's funeral Isaac was so excited because he thought we were in Heaven. He even said "is this Heaven?"
Fast forward several months and now he has been playing "dying grandpa" with the neighbor kids. Isaac is the grandpa and uses a toy golf club as his cane and then he will pretend to die. Complete with his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth. Then his friends will rush to their "grandpa" and try to revive him. Weird right? I thought it was funny but also a little creepy. Should I be concerned that my four year old likes to pretend to die? I might also add he LOVES to pretend to have crutches, canes, walkers, and wheelchairs. Perhaps it's because he has seen his mother use all of those items or perhaps he's just weird. Why can't he play normal games like cowboys and Indians or cops and robbers. My sister even caught him playing "kidnapper" with her kids last week on spring break.
So, I guess my dilema is should I take him to therapy or encourage his new creative play?

Spring Fever

The spring fever season is upon us. No, I'm not talking about allergies although that season has arrived as well. I've been suffering badly from spring fever. I love this time of year. The trees are blooming, flowers are blooming, things are turning green. Despite the wind, the weather is gorgeous. And in general I find that myself and most people are significantly less grumpy. It's our reward after a long hard winter. We've earned it.

Here are my symptoms:
1. Lack of desire to work (more so than usual).
2. A strong desire to be outside at all times.
3. A need to eat every meal outside.
4. A need to play outside with my Boo every second of daylight.
5. I stay up way too late.
6. A need to get frequent pedicures and wear fun spring colors.
7. A need to make my Mister plant flowers in the yard. (I don't like to get my hands dirty)
8. A desire to go to baseball games and eat nachos with fake cheese.
What are your symptoms???

I feel like I missed out on spring last year because I was trying so hard to be pregnant. I think that's why I'm enjoying it so much more this year. We took a lovely family bike ride around the neighborhood this evening. It's fun to be out and about chatting with neighbors. Life is good and I am blessed. I love spring.

The funny thing about grief...

The funny thing about grief is you can be sailing along thinking you have conquered it and all of a sudden it slaps you in the face. Last week was pretty rough. I really couldn't even put words to it. I couldn't figure out why I was melting down all of a sudden for no reason. I was at the kidney doctor on Tuesday and he told me my white cells were high (which really isn't a big deal) and I started crying. I'm pretty sure I freaked the kidney guy out. He handled it well but did refer me to a Lupus support group, and offered me an antidepressant. Talk about embarrassing. I told him I'd save my next meltdown for my therapist.
Grieving is hard work. You have to let yourself experience it, all of it. Sometimes you have to repeat parts. My faith helps me through it. My family helps me through it. My friends help me through it. I expect I will have more weeks like last, but the good news is that kind of week is becoming less frequent. I'm doing much better now and am ready to start this week off on a positive note. Here's to no meltdowns this week!!

How many kids do you have?

How many kids do you have? This is a question I struggle with. It's been asked of me a lot lately as I have had the opportunity to meet a lot of new friends recently.

My standard answer is one. First of all, it's the truth. I have one child I'm raising and trying not to screw up. Second, it's easier to say one and save both me and the person asking from that awkwardness of explaining I have a dead child. I'm ok talking about my situation but I certainly don't want to make other people feel uncomfortable. Third, I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I do enough of that for myself I certainly would hate for others to waste energy feeling that for me too.

With that being said, I always feel a tinge of guilt when my answer is one. It's like I'm saying Liam wasn't a ginormous part of our lives even if his life was so short. Isaac tells people he has a brother, so why should I leave Liam out? The reality is, I gave birth to two children. Two beautiful children. I want the world to know that. I'm proud of my beautiful children.

I recently joined a MOPS group. We have name tags with stickers on them indicating how many children we have. I had help with my name tag and was asked how many football stickers I wanted on my name tag by someone who was aware of my situation. My answer for the first time...two. It felt good.