Stupid Roids

I'm going on several months of high dose steroids and they are starting to take their toll on me, so please forgive this whiny blog. Anyone who has taken steroids before is well aware of the side effects. I've blogged about them before, they aren't fun. Lately, I'm suffering from the side effects of the steroids more than the lupus.
I'm tired of the shakiness. I have NO fine motor skills because my hands are too shaky. I'll be in bed and can feel my whole body shaking. It's irritating. And grooming myself has become quite a challenge. I can barely paint my own nails. Eye makeup is very difficult. Flossing is quite a challenge. So on and so on.
I'm tired of the acne. It's just gross. I'm in my thirties. I shouldn't have acne. It's not fair. Don't I have enough going on, now I have to deal with acne? It's just lame. Not to mention it effects my self esteem since I've never really been one who suffered from acne.
Speaking of self esteem, I cringe every time I look in the mirror. My face seems to have bloated to the size of a large beach ball. I first noticed in Thanksgiving pictures of myself. Then there were all the Christmas pictures that were even worse. Now I can barely look in the mirror. Fortunately, I have not gained weight and I've even been able to buy smaller pants, but my face is what everyone sees and it's huge. It's so huge, I've started to have trouble breathing because it suppresses my esophagus. It's lame. It's not fair. I just want to be normal again. Or at least my version of normal. I think I've been patient but enough is enough.
I know it could be worse. I could not have had Liam, not known I have lupus, and ended up on dialysis. That's way worse than a swollen face, acne, and shakiness. I'm grateful for the steroids because they will make me better but I'm still tired of them and I still think their lame.
Ok, the pity party is over. Thanks for coming.